Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Our hearts are broken.

Tommy was a homeless cat when we took him into our hearts about twelve years ago. If a cat can be called a gentleman, that's what he was. Everyone loved him. He spent many hours in sunny weather stretched out on the rail of the deck with one arm hanging over each side appearing to be meditating. To get me up in the morning he would lay across my shoulder and pull on my hand to tell me "Come on now, I want my breakfast" and of course I always responded. In the winter he would walk up through the woods with my partner, playing hide and seek along the way. So many things can be said about Tommy. So many stories. Well, we noticed that he had lost a little weight but he seemed fine otherwise. Then last Saturday I noticed his weight had dropped quite a bit and he was looking sick and just not his normal self. As the Vet wouldn't be open until Monday I had to wait until then to make an appointment. Between Saturday and Monday he wasn't eating and I would find him lying in one of the flower beds staring into space. I would bring him in but he would want to go outside again. So, Monday arrived and I got an appointment for the next day, yesterday. He was looking pretty bad by now. We arrived at the vets and my partner said he just couldn't go in. He told me to take food and water with us because he might be hungry after the vets visit. I knew Tommy wouldn't be coming back alive but never the less I took the food and water. Looking at him at first the Vet said he had something quite serious. She examined him, saw his mouth was full of cysts (not the right word, can't think of it now), and as he had been drinking an awful lot of water and other signs, said he had liver disease. She said it was not curable but he could be put on drugs to extend his life for a few months. I broke down, went to peices. I said I didn't want him suffering anymore and to put him down. How terribly, terribly awful. She said she would leave me with him for a few minutes so I told him how much I loved him and loved him and kissed him with tears running down my face. Then she came to get him and I went out in the waiting room and lost it again. I had brought with me a cloth I had bought while in India to wrap him in and had given that to the vet. After a few minutes he was brought out to me and I took him in my arms and his little body was still warm and I completely went to peices. Wailing is the only word to describe it. I walked out to the car with him and my partner lost it. It was awful. We both sat there crying. Finally drove home and immediately burried him next to Ivy and Fred. My partner and I were holding each other in tears. It was as if we had burried our heart. What a brave little soul he was, and we always felt, an old soul. So, today I have to make a marker and go on from there. We will never forget our darling Thomas.


Pete said...

oh OC I am so sorry.

you know that everyone of the yahoo crowd will be thinking about you.

nicola said...

So sorry to hear this oc, really I am. Thinking of you all. Keep trying to think of the good times and the love you all shared with him..

Boo said...

OC, I am so very, very sorry. I started to write a comment in the other posting, but couldn't think of anything to comfort you.

I also had to make that decision two years ago and I know how painful it is.

I used to have a smokey grey cat called Dempsey, he was a feral cat, but I tamed him and he became like a dog, used to follow me everywhere. He disappeared for about six weeks and I kept dreaming about him, always he was behind glass, in someone's house or similar. One morning I got up, I had had the dream again, made myself a cup of tea and was about to go back to bed again (5.30am) when there he was, looking in at me through the patio windows. I was crying with joy and he seemed to be too. Anyway to cut a long story short, he had been involved in an accident and had several bones broken but they had mended (not very well), we took him to the vet and spent a fortune on x-rays and various treatments. We had him for a further five years after that but he never enjoyed good health again. We kept spending and spending to prolong his life (selfish of me, I know, but I loved him so much) and I swore after that, that I would never do it again.

It is a very hard decision but quality of life must be taken into consideration and to prolong it when there is none is an act of cruelty.

You made the right decision, you had some lovely years with Thomas and you must now remember them and take comfort that he is no longer suffering.

Love and hugs xx

oldcrow61 said...

Thanks so much. I really appreciate your caring. I know I made the right decision for Tommy, never the less it hurts. Thanks for your story Boo, it made me feel much better. I'm fine today, think I cried it all out of me yesterday. Will still get teary at times, but that's part of it.

Anna said...

So sorry to hear about Tommy. :(

At least he had a good life with you, that's all you can do for a pet really.

flicker said...

I knew I shouldn't have read your blog for that, I am now sitting here with tears streaming down my face. You have just described how my ex and I were when we had to have our Golden Retriever, Raffles, put to sleep. The vet came to our home to do that though, and it was one of the most harrowing and awful things I have ever gone through. I really don't want to think about how I am going to be the day it happens to my Emma. I shed bucketloads of tears every time I lose one of my pets, and wailing was exactly what I did when I found my cockatiel, Twizzle, dead the other week. It hurts like hell.

Time heals so they say, but you never forget.

Best wishes to you.

Diddums said...

Found your blog on Pete's site.

I lost a cat a few months ago (in April) and know just how you feel - everything is so dark for a while but it gradually lightens. I am sorry - I wish they could stay with us a lot longer.

fatmammycat said...

I'm awfully sorry about your Tommy. It is awful when we lose our beloved and much cherished pets. Tommy sounds like he had a wonderful life and a dignified end. We should all be so lucky.